Humor: How to humble your 5 feet 2 inch sister and get her to respect you

It was a normal Tuesday. I was nice and mellow. Everything was fine.

Suddenly, I noticed that my sister was making fun of me. She’s 5 feet 1 inches btw. So she kept being smart and judgy at different times and I knew that something in our interpersonal dynamics was amiss. My mind was a little fuzzy and while I was trying to articulate a thought, I trusted that I could ask her for her help in recalling a word. I asked, “what’s it called when you are baited into a situation and then someone, like, jumps out at you?”

”A jump scare?”, she said.
I responded, ”No. Not like that. More like jump out of a bush like ‘raaah I gotcha now’.”

She stared at me blankly and then I remembered the word “ambush!”. There was so much judgment in her laugh and her face. I was offended. She’s only 5 feet tall. How dare she make fun of me yet again? I thought this was a safe space. She clearly needed a paradigm correction!

I needed to communicate effectively to warn her of boundaries and also not escalate conflict between us. I said, quite neutrally with a touch of threat and absolute pettiness, “Sister… you’re racking up blessings.” She knew what I meant and she laughed anyway. She calmed down for a bit and was seemingly more mindful. However, her occasional playful tone, which still sounded judgy to me, would crack her voice and her 4 feet 9 inch body language would say what words did not.

We needed to level things out a bit. Does it sound like my ego was fragile? Or does this sound like a good time to display dominance? You decide. Actually don’t because I insist on the latter.

She does not like to be touched at all so when I do so it has to be intentional and egregious. I knew just the thing, perfect for enforcing my boundaries - I twerked on her. What about her boundaries you say? What about them? They are 4 feet tall I can just hop right over them if I wanted to. Instead I just harried them a little bit. She kicked her little legs and gagged from a healthy place in her heart. It was all good and when I was done, WE were good.

We had no more problems. If you can believe it, she may have even told me she loved me and that I’m the best brother on the planet. She may have wrote me a sonnet and sang praises with a twinkle in her eye. You don’t know. You weren’t there. Just take my word for it - it worked!

You too can use the twerk technique on your sibling provided you’re big enough, strong enough, and petty enough. Just go to my services and choose a product. I will help you with this technique or something more effective and less ‘bummy’.

Feel possible!